Crazy Book Porn Confessions #6: Doctor Penny’s Incredible Gangbang Fertility Clinic by Lance Mayhem

 
My Guilty Pleasure:  Crazy Book Porn

Some of it I love, some I find amusing, some are so weird I can't help but like it, and some just leave me confused and wondering why.

I read Crazy Book Porn and these are my Confessions.

Doctor Penny's fertilization system is highly effective if a bit unusual. It has been proven to be one hundred percent safe and effective, and best of all, it is completely free of charge. In fact, if you allow us to film the procedure, we'll even pay you.

If you're a healthy female looking to get pregnant but your partner is unable to deliver viable sperm, then you may want to visit Doctor Penny. New patients are always welcomed.

This was like...
watching really bad porn.
Almost.

I don't even know what to do with it. I should've known better...
Who am I kidding? I did know better, but I read it anyway.

This was free when I got it, no idea if it's still free or not.

Such an ingenious way to solve fertility problems.
Ummm... maybe not.

Half of me was laughing at the absurdity of this while I was reading it, and the other half was trying to figure out how naive someone would have to be to do this.

And the not existent third half of myself was wondering where I could find the videos of these "procedures".

It was eh... but I did laugh some. So, there's that.

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Review: Tell-Tale by Danielle Allen

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Release Date: February 12, 1019

True, I’d been nervous—very, very dreadfully nervous—to have the conversation with him. I knew he was going to think I sounded crazy. I knew he was going to think I was crazy. But I’d nervously fretted about my feelings for him for years. My nerves had sharpened my senses—not destroyed or dulled them. And above all was my ability to listen.

I’d heard all the reasons why we shouldn’t be together. I know I’d given every excuse in the world, every excuse from heaven to hell as to why we couldn’t be together. But my feelings wouldn’t go away, so… how does that make me crazy?

Listen! Sanely and calmly, I’ll tell you the whole story.

** Tell-Tale is a contemporary romance inspired by Edgar Allan Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart **

*Complimentary copy received from author for review purposes.

I have to say, Danielle Allen never ceases to amaze me. I love this, I mean, I really LOVE this.
Reading this was like 11th grade Lit class, but more exciting and less bullshit papers to write.

She took Poe's short horror story and wove her own style into and around it to write a phenomenal contemporary romance. And you can see Poe everywhere in the story. You really should read The Tell Tale Heart, at least for a refresher, before reading this. Even if you don't know Poe's story, Tell-Tale will stand on it's own. But with the knowledge of The Tell Tale Heart, you'll be able to pick up on all of the little things that make this just so amazing.

If you've read Nevermore, you already know, Danielle is good at what she does. Nevermore hurt me, and so did this one. It's one of those things where you feel what the characters feel. True and Noah, they had me. I get them. I get them so hard. It's a tough thing to want something, to really, really want something and to know that you can't have it and you never will be able to have it.

This book, it speaks to me. It's all:

"I want it. I want it so bad. It is everything, I need it to live and breath.
But time, circumstance and the world give me a big, fat NO!
And then...
FINALLY, to get it, to really get what I want and need so bad.
It is A-MAZ-ING! It's an all encompassing love and lust filled moment!"

I really just don't have enough good things to say about this. READ IT!

Oh, and for you dirty, dirty birds... There's an awesome, porntastic sex scene.

Danielle Allen

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TBR Jar #6: A Heartless Design (Secrets of the Zodiac #1) by Elizabeth Cole

A year and half. That's how long it's been since I did one of these.

I finally pulled my head out of my ass and a little slip of paper out of the jar.

So, here we go.

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A Heartless Design (Secrets of the Zodiac #1) by Elizabeth Cole

An enigmatic woman, a determined spy, and a love that could shake the foundations of Europe...

"Heartless" Cordelia Bering refuses every marriage offer she receives. Yet men still try to win her, drawn by her sharp wit and intoxicating green eyes. But Cordelia knows a marriage could reveal her deepest secret and truly endanger her life. Besides, she hasn't met a man worth considering, until...

Sebastien Thorne, a spy in the service of Crown. One of the elite agents in the group known as the Zodiac, he comes to London determined to solve a mystery with roots on the Continent. He won't let anything distract him. But is Cordelia a distraction, or the key to the mystery? As he learns more about the "heartless" woman, he becomes embroiled in secrets, plots, and a design that could change the future...and Cordelia is at the center of it all.

A Heartless Design is the first book in the Secrets of the Zodiac, a series that blends romantic suspense with the rich background of the Regency period.

I got this book as a freebie way way back in 2014. Unfortunately, it's not free anymore. If you do decide to get it, Amazon and Smashwords have it for $2.99. Nook, Kobo, and Apple Books have it at $4.99.

With historicals, I usually go heavy on the highlanders. I must admit, I don't even know what a Regency really is. Apparently, this is it. I couldn't even begin to tell you if it was historically accurate, and unless someone was driving a Prius instead of a carriage, I probably wouldn't have cared.

The story was good. It was entertaining and had just enough mystery mixed in with the love story to keep me hanging on until the end.

I LOVE, Love, love Cordelia. In a time when women were supposed to be a certain way, she did her own thing. She may have hid it, but still, she was the shit. She is smart, sassy, beautiful, strong, independent, compassionate and caring.

Sebastian, I feel like I didn't really get to know him, except for that he was a spy. I still feel like I don't know much about him.

I did love the banter between the two, and they did have chemistry.

In the end, they did get their HEA, and I love what they are doing with the servants.

All in all not a bad read.

Elizabeth Cole

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Review: Masterson (Fixer Series #1) by Lisa Lang Blakeney

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A dangerous professional fixer.
A sweet computer nerd.
A passion that borders on the possessive.
An attraction that’s completely off limits to explore…

After Elizabeth Hill is brutally attacked in her apartment by an intruder and then unceremoniously dumped by her ex-boyfriend, she moves in with family that she barely knows for protection. All she remembers about her aunt’s stepson, Roman, is that he was the moody, mean boy who played a cruel trick on her when she was just six years old; but soon learns that he is now a complex and multi-layered man who has the ability to protect her, ignite her, and challenge her like no one ever has before.

Wealthy Roman Masterson makes his fortune by fixing celebrity problems for big money and by any means necessary. He is a foul-mouthed, bad-tempered, manwhore who doesn’t have the time or inclination to babysit a gullible little brat from the suburbs…until he unknowingly spots her in the middle of a crowded dance floor and decides right then and there to claim every one of her orgasms from that moment on. Little does he know that the woman he’s laid claim to is the same girl he’s been sworn to protect.

Author Note: Masterson is Book 1 of The Fixer Series. Please note that this book was previously published under the title of Cousins.

Okay, so... there are two reasons I got this book. The first was that it was a freebie. The second was the title. Masterson. There ya go, Miss Blakeney, you get an automatic star for that.

When I got this I didn't know it was originally titled Cousins. Thank goodness it was changed, I feel like Masterson fits it much better and to be honest, I don't think I would read a book titled Cousins.

Consistency is important to me, and I don't always pick up on inconsistencies... But when a character takes out contact lenses in a room filled with pepper spray and then escapes with 20/20 vision, I notice (and I laugh). And nowhere throughout the rest of the book is there mention of contacts or glasses. There must've been some magic in that pepper spray...

Now, I usually don't pick at character names, but I feel like the heroine in this book got done dirty.  All of the other characters have memorable names: Roman, Camden, Cutter, Jade, Sloan, Jagger, even Julliette and Joseph. But her, she gets Elizabeth. Maybe it was done on purpose... but I'll be honest, I sat here for 5 whole minutes trying to remember her name.

I like Roman, possessive asshole that he is. And Elizabeth is smart and can stand her ground when she wants to. I find it a little hard to understand how she didn't know Ethan was a druggie. But as my husband says, there's a big difference in being smart and having common sense.

Roman and Elizabeth as a couple, I really did enjoy. They have a sexual chemistry that can't be denied. And I feel like the cousin thing is a non-issue and to be honest, it put me off a little. It was the obstacle that wasn't. Because even though the characters said it was wrong, their actions said otherwise. First of all, they aren't blood related cousins. Second of all, they met once when they were six and ten. If they'd have grown up constantly around each other, that would've made it a little different. Nonetheless, I would've read the book without the step-cousin angle.

Newsflash: It ends on a cliffhanger!

It didn't take me long to read this, so I thought... "oh, a cliffy, damn it". But then I looked and Amazon said it was 243 pages. Huh? I read 243 pages in less than a day, while at work? No fucking way!  That there speaks to the flow of the story. It was written well enough for me to get through it quickly and not even realize it. I was a little disappointed that I read 243 pages and got absolutely no closure. Add to that, there are two more books to finish out Roman and Elizabeth's story. I might've been invested enough to read a second, but not three.

So, all in all, it was ok. It's still free, so if you try it, no harm, no foul.

Lisa Lang Blakeney

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